RHAPSODY ON ROYAL ICING & HAPPY TOMATO COOKIES: IT'S KICK-BACK TIME FROM WILTON

It's been so long since I have posted, I feel I'm entitled to rant, ramble, and perhaps break off from reality, like the crumb on a delicate shortbread.

I recognize that when I tell you what I am about to tell you, you will think I'm being paid some sugary stipend by Wilton--Did you just picture a #4 metal icing tip and glassine bundle of pristine white pastry bags when I said "Wilton?" I did.

I also pictured my three-year old running no-nap & pell-mell down the cake-decorating aisle (also called "Wiltondale" because really--who else makes the icing colors, frosting tips, flower-making nails and cake pans? Who else is allowed shelf space?) at Michael's, knocking every last Elmo and Lightning McQueen and Big-Headed Dora pan off the bottom shelves. What genius displays shiny, licensed character-shaped objects at toddler height?

Truth-be-told, I have always feared and loathed Wilton--a confectionary empire made of stiff, gritty/powdery, tasteless-but-perfect rosette making and (the part which seals the crumb-coat for me) not truly buttercream icing. Shrug. I hate monopoly--I don't even like the game (possibly even more than I hate licensed characters). I make exceptions for my son and Lightning McQueen based shamelessly on my own predilections toward sexy, flop-coiffed Owen Wilson (I'll fix you, Owen! I'll be your sober buddy and you don't even have to pay me!!!).

And then, I started having this thing about butter cookies and royal icing. I don't even like sweets! Wow. That is three things in four sentences I have grinchily foresaken.

What I do like and in fact love is things that are not what they seem, or things appropriated outside the realm of their original purposes. These tomato cookies (THE HAPPY TOMATO swag for glucose-dwindling table-perusers) fit the bill.

Why, they're not tomatoes at all (!) but are made from the teeny, tiny pumpkin cutter which came as part of Wilton's Harvest 6-Pc. Mini Cookie Cutter Set (or: Ensemble de 6 mini emporte-pieces) we received as a gift (Fall birthdays).

Royal icing is a versatile medium I would place second only to Sharpies--and I tend to avoid those for food-use. Thinned down to washy and hand-tinted it is marvelous stuff, and can transform a cookie to a canvas. It dries to a shiny, hard and completely stackable finish that makes it durable and transportable.

Problems with royal icing:

1. It takes like dreck.

2. It's made with egg whites, which freaks some people out.

1. The dreckish taste is solved easily, with almond extract. I believe it's the secret to most things. It's also clear, unlike vanilla (though "they" meaning "Wilton" make clear versions of butter and vanilla flavors).

2. Ix-nay on the egg whites--save them for omelettes. Three words: WILTON. MERINGUE. POWDER.

Are you ready?--This is Wilton's recipe:

3 tablespoons Meringue Powder
4 cups (about 1 lb.) confectioners' sugar
6 tablespoons warm water
Makes: About 3 cups of icing.

I throw it all in the stand-mixer for 7-8 minutes, with double the water and some almond extract. Then I transfer to small, lidded containers and make my colors.

Cookie recipes to follow--a whole season of shopping and baking unfurls before us, like the delicate broccoli fronds (and sprouts) of my next project. Let the obsessive icing fun begin.